One of my major desires in life is to be a good Mom. Not only to my bio kids, but also to my adopted kiddoes.
Why do I differentiate? Because parenting them is simply . . . different. There are some parenting principles that are certainly the same. But there are other ways I need to parent that are vastly different. Is that bad? No, I don’t think so. Is it wrong? No, I don’t think so. It just is. Just as I need to tweak my parenting for each of my individual bio kids, I need to tweak it for my adopted kiddoes.
In my journey to be a better parent, I stumbled across Christine’s blog one day several years ago. She has helped give me a ton of food for thought, and influenced my parenting tremendously. Do I agree with every single posts she makes? Her choice of every single word? Nope. And nope. That’s OK. I am big enough to appreciate what I do appreciate and not just walk away from her blog because we don’t hold the same views in a lot of areas.
With that warning (yes, I did *need* to give that to you as I have been attacked in the past for sharing things with others that I would certainly say were much less controversial than Christine’s blog, because they thought if I shared the writing/book or whatever that I was 100% endorsing every bit of it!) I want to point you to this particular blog piece . . . good stuff there.
Also, thank you so much for only leaving kind and/or matter of fact comments on my previous post. I was concerned about putting out as much as I did, but I know that for my own processing I do need to start talking about The Truth. And hopefully as others become more aware and educated, they won’t need to say what we did–“We looked all over the internet looking for any stories of dissatisfaction or things gone wrong with that organization before we agreed to work wtih them, and couldn’t find anything!” (Since we did our initial searching, there have been several other bloggers who have now come forward cautiously and carefully with their story, but there needs to be more before it will be easy for new families looking for info can be sure of finding more than one side of the picture–and there is a reason *why* it’s not been available before–and *why* so little is available now. And that is easily summed up in one big word–FEAR. Fear of retribution from the faciltator in-country who incidentally has ALL your personal info in his hands. FEAR of “hurting the kids left behind”. FEAR of the organization siccing their lawyer on you if you speak out (yes, that has been threatened to families). There is sooo much FEAR that families who have a bad experience are left to suffer with. I admit that we have had our own moments of fear . . . but stronger than my fear is my desire to have the truth about OUR experience be shared.
I long ago walked away from keeping “secrets” in my life. I would much rather be honest and open about what is going on in my life. And while I don’t feel obligated to blog about this really, I want to blog about it. I want people to have a chance to know what dangers and pit-falls can be out there. I want them to know that yes, you can be thrilled to have gotten home with your child and be thrilled to have your child, and still be unhappy about the process you were required to go through to bring said child home. There is no shame in admitting that you are thrilled beyond words to be home with your child and yet wish you could have been treated with respect and care while in your child’s country by the “team” that you were supposed to be able to trust to be caring for you–the team that wanted paid $9,000 PLUS additional expenses and fees for the “job” of taking care of you and getting your adoption completed. None. Not at all.
So, I will be sharing more in the coming days.